(no subject)
May. 21st, 2009 07:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
becky_hIf I talk to you about poly, in more than the very vaguest of terms, I trust you. I trust you *a lot*.
There is something about being 'out' to people as non-monogamous that makes me feel vulnerable than anything else (for me). There's all these ideas and stereotypes that come along with having more than one partner, and trusting people not to try to shove me into some neat little box (the wronged wife, the whore, the gay woman staying married for the kids -- the list goes on) is really harder than I'd have ever imagined 10, or even 5 years ago.
I love Michael. I love Tes. I'd say I'm 'in love' with them, but that phrase still makes me think of crushes and infatuation, not something enduring. I've been married to Micahel almost 12 years. I've known Tes for nearly 6, and we've been 'together' for over a year. Yes, it's an internet relationship, which gets it's own batch of eye-rollers and groaners, but -- well they can fuck off. I met my husband and many, many close friends online.
There is no game. There is no lying. There is no deceit. Michael knows I have a girlfriend, and Tes sure as hell knows I'm married with kids. It's not even terribly exciting most of the time. Tes called me today and got Michael. Michael was in the car with the phone and told her to email me because I was at home. It was AWESOME and slightly funny because she tried to surprise me and I screwed myself out of a call.
This is my life. I LOVE this life. I love these people. I don't want to collect partners, I don't have a crazy high sex drive (it's actually kind of low, frankly, and that was before paxil). I just want to enjoy my life, to love who I love and be loved who people that love me. However I love them and they love me. I don't care about numbers. I don't care about social conventions, I care about moral convictions.
Love's a good thing, right?
Oh hell yes.
Oh hell yes.
There is something about being 'out' to people as non-monogamous that makes me feel vulnerable than anything else (for me). There's all these ideas and stereotypes that come along with having more than one partner, and trusting people not to try to shove me into some neat little box (the wronged wife, the whore, the gay woman staying married for the kids -- the list goes on) is really harder than I'd have ever imagined 10, or even 5 years ago.
I love Michael. I love Tes. I'd say I'm 'in love' with them, but that phrase still makes me think of crushes and infatuation, not something enduring. I've been married to Micahel almost 12 years. I've known Tes for nearly 6, and we've been 'together' for over a year. Yes, it's an internet relationship, which gets it's own batch of eye-rollers and groaners, but -- well they can fuck off. I met my husband and many, many close friends online.
There is no game. There is no lying. There is no deceit. Michael knows I have a girlfriend, and Tes sure as hell knows I'm married with kids. It's not even terribly exciting most of the time. Tes called me today and got Michael. Michael was in the car with the phone and told her to email me because I was at home. It was AWESOME and slightly funny because she tried to surprise me and I screwed myself out of a call.
This is my life. I LOVE this life. I love these people. I don't want to collect partners, I don't have a crazy high sex drive (it's actually kind of low, frankly, and that was before paxil). I just want to enjoy my life, to love who I love and be loved who people that love me. However I love them and they love me. I don't care about numbers. I don't care about social conventions, I care about moral convictions.
Love's a good thing, right?
Oh hell yes.
Oh hell yes.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-22 12:10 am (UTC)...Oh hi, I need icons. *gets on that*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-22 05:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-22 10:46 am (UTC)It reminds me of a moment I had early on in my marriage. I had fallen in love with a girl (who I was never brave enough to tell at the time which sucks because I just found out she was in love with me too) during the time when I was going to marry my husband. After we were married I admitted to him that I was in love with her. He answered with "I know." me: "You know?!? Don't you mind?!?" Him: "Why should I mind? I know you love me, you're not going to leave me and you married me. You love her too, it's not a big deal."
If I was inclined to fall for people (other then the husband) who aren't completely insane I'd be poly with a husband with that attitude. Unfortunately I fall for nutcases. This is why I fear females.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-22 12:38 pm (UTC)What I intended to mean: You + Tes = CUTE! You + Tes + Your Husband = POLY CUTE! + Awesomeness
That's what I meant and I think was sort of in that babble.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-22 11:12 pm (UTC)So very much YES. *adores you* It really shouldn't be as difficult a concept as it seems to be for a lot of people. (I sent you Melissa Etheridge's "Silent Legacy" and "Truth of the Heart," didn't I?)